As William Shatner* says, “Those people on Facebook. They’re not your friends.”
The host on this video has a simple test for your friends: announce that you are shifting home. Those who come to help are friends. Unfriend the rest.
Okay, there will be a huge raft of disagreeements. Your old chuddy buddy whom you lost sight of twenty-five years ago but found again on Facebook.
Um, you learned to live without each other for twenty-five years. Why intrude into each other’s lives now?
Okay, okay. Your real brother whom you lost in the kumbh mela twenty-five years ago but found again on Facebook.
Um, you learned to live without each other for twenty-five years, but he is your brother. But didn’t you have a more romantic way to find him (Family song, two halves of a locket, any other Manmohan Desai method) instead of Facebook?
All your college pals whom you had so much fun with. How can you think of unfriending them?
Um, they’ve moved on life as you have, right? There might be a number of things that were fun to do in college, but you’d not like them to be mentioned in front of your kids. (Or put in a place, like Facebook, where your kids can find them.) You still don’t want to unfriend them?
The thirty-three people who are so critical to your progress on Farmville, even though you’ve never seen them.
They’re friends? You haven’t even seen them right? Can you borrow even Rs. 50/- off them?
That lady who posts such cute pictures of her trips to South Africa and the Amazon? Or that guy who posts really witty status messages. Or that guy who posts amazing videos you’d have never seen otherwise?
There are photoblogs for South African images, if you haven’t seen enough on Discovery Channel. There is ThinkQuote to read really witty stuff. (Witty updates on Facebook are often recycled from these. There’s even an app to do so. Or two.) And what was YouTube for, if not to see videos you’d never see? Why are you doing these things on Faebook?
Well, before you get more defensive, why not just ask all of them to come to your house for free chai-samosa? Those who don’t come for freebies even, they were never your friends. Forget about the house-shifting.
And let me repeat William Shatner’s* message to you:
“Those people on Facebook. They’re not your friends.”
*I have no idea who William Shatner is. That’s another reason why National Unfriend Day is important.